Rule #8: Never fight in public.

There is nothing less classy than having your arguments in public. Trust me, you will regret it later (unless you’re as hot as the two above, and someone’s taking pictures). Keep your arguments private.

Rule number eight: Never fight in public.

Welling and Hartly sexing up the violence.
Welling and Hartly sexing up the violence (click for a bit more).

There is nothing less classy than having your arguments in public (this includes myspace, twitter, facebook, your blog, etc!). Trust me, you will regret it later (unless you’re as hot as the two above, and someone’s taking pictures). Keep your arguments private.

Rule #7: Don’t Re-Invent the Wheel.

Rule number seven: Be smart, don’t re-invent the wheel. This is one of those really basic rules of which people should not need to be reminded. The problem is, people do it all the time.

Rule number seven: Be smart, don’t re-invent the wheel.

Zachary Levi as Chuck Bartowski, probably not the best example of this rule, but cute enough to let it slide.
Chuck Bartowski (Zachary Levi), maybe not the best example of this rule, but cute enough to let it slide.
People should not need to be reminded of this really basic rule. The problem is, people re-invent the wheel all the time, so here is their reminder:
 
  1. If you can’t say it better, then don’t.
  2. If it’s already been done, find out how.

Those two simple restatements of this rule have saved me countless embarrassments and hours of frustration.

Rule #6: Love thyself.

Rule #6: Love thyself.

Rule number six: Before asking to be loved, love thyself.

Gay Lovers

I’m of the considered opinion that it is very difficult for people to love someone who does not love himself. Obviously I’m not saying that everyone should be a narcissist; I’m saying that if you don’t appreciate, understand and care about yourself, you will make it very difficult for others to appreciate, understand or care about you.

Rule #5: Always take the bus.

Rule #5: Always take the bus.

Rule Number 5: Always take the bus.

Hot Bus Driver

When given the choice between walking and taking a bus, always take the bus. This is because bus schedules are determined by a variant of Moore’s Law – when you expect the bus to be on time, it is always late; and every time you decide walking will be faster, the bus will pass you while you’re walking.

Regrettably, I cannot guarantee that Raphael Nadal will be your bus driver.

Rule #4: Wash thine clothing.

Rule #4: Wash thine clothing.

Rule Number 4: Wash thine clothing, it is how society determines thine standing.

Hayden Christiansen, Dirty

OK, so while this picture of the incredibly hot Hayden Christensen is, well, incredibly hot, it’s not how you should look on a day-to-day basis. Wash your clothes! Here are the sub-rules for this rule, the rules I actually live by:

1. Wash anything you wear directly on your skin every time you take it off.

2. Wash pants, shirts and sweaters after two uses, no more.

Trust me, obeying this rule will do more for your social standing than all but rule #1. It will do a lot for the rest of us, too.